Friday, March 30, 2012

Thomas


Today is Friday, March 30. I woke up to the sounds of birds outside my bedroom window in a quiet, suburban neighborhood. This morning I got my favorite iced coffee drink at the local coffee shop after running errands, followed by a long walk through the park this afternoon.  Today I found myself thanking Jesus for each of these “little” things that used to be my normal.

Most days I go to sleep and wake up to the sound of sirens outside my bedroom window in Little Village, Chicago. I can’t remember the last time I took a long walk wherever I wanted and wasn’t bothered by someone.  I’m no longer allowed to sit outside on my front porch and enjoy the beautiful weather after school or on the weekends. A lot of nights I sit doing my schoolwork to the sounds of another fight outside my apartment and our gang banger neighbors flashing gang symbols at passing cars. Yesterday morning we woke up to their new “art production” on the front door of the abandoned house across the street. “LKK” symbols written in bright yellow paint symbolizing “Latin King Killers.” Last month I witnessed my first shooting incident from my kitchen window while trying to make supper.
I can’t remember the last time I felt safe.

There’s hundreds of stereotypes people have of the ghetto. Gangs, violence, drugs, lack of education, poverty, addictions, cycles, laziness, a “need for Jesus.” People will look at the city and spout off their list of reasons why “they could never live there”, and why its all going to hell. They point their fingers at gang violence and talk about the lack of “parenting” and “education” as the issues at hand. Maybe if we could “suburbinize” the ghetto and make it a little more like white, middle class America some things would be different.

But a few weeks ago I sat with my church family in Little Village after one of the most violent weeks our neighborhood has experienced in a long time. Chicago alone had almost 40 shootings, and our neighborhood had 6 people shot in one week. 3 of those were youth with connections to my church. Just the day before, a 6-year-old girl was playing on her front porch and was murdered by gang members in the middle of the afternoon. Instead of having a regular church service, we gathered together to mourn as a church family and cry out to God for the neighborhood. We stood in a giant circle around the room, holding hands and praying to the Lord for the streets and gangs of Little Village. I watched people, both white and Mexican, get up and speak in light of the violence. People who have invested in this place and these people for years.  One of them stood up and spoke of their relationship with one of the youth that had been killed that week.
“You see these gang bangers around here all the time standing on street corners. Latin kings and 26’rs all over this place. But Joey, who was one of those guys, I knew him. We hung out all the time, we laughed together all the time, we were friends. He was like my little brother. When you look at these guys on your street, we have to remember they are more than just gang bangers. They have names, and they have stories.”

I would love to make up a blog about a heroic white girl living in the ghetto who loves her mission field and prays for the gang bangers every time she passes them on the street. Who sleeps every night in peace because she believes she is safe in Jesus, and never deals with stereotypes in her own life. But if you looked really closely at her heart you wouldn’t find much of that at all.
You’d find someone struggling a lot with bitterness against her neighbors who have “stolen” her sense of safety, you would find a lot of fear and anxiety about what is going to happen next, you would see a lot of sleepless nights, you would find anger that her sense of “freedom” has been taken by circumstances. You would find her struggling with the same stereotypes she has been taught to resist. It’s not a very pretty picture at all.

In the midst of my heart struggle this week, I met someone in the neighborhood working to stop the violence. Through a random conversation we discovered some of the men he is working closely with just “happen” to be the same gang bangers living in the house across from me. He told me about his relationships with the guys and his understanding of their world, as he himself used to be involved in the same gang and participate in the same activities. He gave me a small glimpse into their lives.
“Baby lucky, he’s only about 19 and just got out of prison a few months ago and has been on house arrest. He’s had a rough life. He lost his uncles and a lot of family members to gang violence here in the ‘hood. He’s got it real rough.”

The neighbor I had become so bitter against on my street had a name. He had a story. He wasn’t always a gang banger. He used to be like one of my little 7 year olds, laughing, playing on the playground at school. But ghetto life becomes reality for most of our kids in this neighborhood, and its not long before you start seeing people dying. It’s not long before the gang bangers are trying to recruit you, just like they did your brothers, and your daddies, and even your sisters. And you join, because that’s what you do to “survive” these streets. And no teacher is going to save you, and your mamma isn’t going to come get you out. You’ll die young here or you’ll go to prison. Or for many, it’s both.


But for some, they’ll come to find something else in this place. If you walk these streets covered with gang graffiti and look closely enough you’ll see it too.
Some days it looks buried and forgotten, but even on the most violent days, it hasn’t disappeared.
A light has shone into the darkness of Little Village and the darkness has not overcome it. Scattered among the streets “claimed” by Latin King’s and 26’rs is the presence of God Himself, being demonstrated through the lives of His people.
Doctors, teachers, pastors, mentors, neighbors, store owners, you’ll find them everywhere. People who haven’t given up on their neighborhood, who aren’t moving out of this forgotten “ghetto”, people who have committed their lives to this place. People who could stand up and tell story after story of Jesus claiming souls in this place. Of Him making beautiful things out of this mess.
People who weep over the lost souls on their streets, who cry out for healing over their neighborhood, and who wait in eager expectation for the coming kingdom when all of this will be made right.
People who don’t just call them “gang bangers” or “Latin kings” or “26rs” but can tell you their names and their stories.

You see, Baby lucky has a real name. Thomas. And Thomas has a story, a story of how he got to be a gang-banger on 26th and Springfield.
But his story doesn’t have to end like his uncle’s story or his daddy’s story or his friends’ story. And there’s been some people telling Thomas about Jesus.

Education won’t heal Thomas. A daddy won’t heal Thomas.
But Jesus can.

I have been so challenged by the people giving their lives to see Jesus come in this place. People willing to risk the lives of their kids and families to stay and invest in this neighborhood.
Jesus has been teaching me that when I hear the sirens, or the story of another shooting, or when there’s another fight outside my house- to remember He hasn’t left the ghetto, He hasn’t abandoned this place to the violence, and some day, He will make every street in Little Village new. Some day former Latin Kings and 26rs will walk together in peace. His kingdom WILL come.

And just like it's not too hard for Him to save the Lk's or the Satin's Disciples, or the 26'rs, it's not too hard for him to change my own heart in this last month He has me living in Little Village. And just like He is making these streets new, He has promised to do that for me. For HIS glory.
May we celebrate the gospel today, continuing to pray it transforms every street in our neighborhoods, wherever those might be.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Trade



You sit holding another broken vessel, wondering why the water poured inside always empties out.
One more man, one more cycle, one more addiction, one more drug, one more longing that will become your chains. It just never seems to be enough.
Slowly you pour more of yourself into the broken container, somehow expecting different results from the same choices you’ve always made.
Once again, you watch it slip from between your fingers and hit the floor.
Most nights, my heart doesn’t quite understand the trade you have been so willing to make.
I have watched the broken pieces destroy you, and the rest of us as well in our fight to pick up the remainders and attempt to put them together for you.
Bloody fingers remind me once again of the impossibility of healing you myself.

I wish I could make you understand what you’re trading in life.

I have been here holding broken, emptied vessels, wondering why the water poured inside always empties out.
Another trinket, another idol, another addiction, another lust, sins that became my chains. They never gave me what they promised.
Slowly I pour more of myself into broken cisterns, somehow expecting different results from the pursuit of self and pride.
But again and again, I watch it slip from between my fingers and shatter on the floor.

I wish I could understand this trade I am so willing to make.

Trinkets for glory.
Emptiness for satisfaction.
Destruction for reconciliation.
Anxiety for peace.
Chains for freedom.
Guilt for joy.
Bitterness for forgiveness.
Confusion for purpose.
Hate for love.
Numbness for healing.
I found longing and lusting for Creation only gives birth to a 1,000 addictions.


Settling for lip service instead of following You.
Trading the joy of obedience for some truths I could regurgitate.
Content with the knowledge of You, rather than an intimate knowing OF You.
Oh what a foolish, heartbreaking trade I have made.

But then there was You.
I saw in your hands all of my trinkets, emptiness, destruction, anxiety, chains, guilt, bitterness, confusion, hate, and numbness.
I saw all of the things I had ever chosen over You.

You took my bloody fingers fighting to put it together by myself, and you bloodied yours instead.
You took all of my self -efforts of being good enough, and laid down your righteousness over my name.
You took all of my debt I was working for, and you paid for it in full.
You took all of my trinkets, and told me you would give me something that would always satisfy the emptiness.
You took all of my sin- past, present, and future, and nailed it on what should have been my cross.
You willingly laid down your life, in my place.

What is this trade You have made for me?
What is this trade You have made for us all?

6 years ago today, you opened my eyes for the first time to understand this incredible trade in my place.
And if you can save a sinner such as I, then it's not too hard for you to save her either.

March 10, 2006.
Emily Gerber. Paid for in full.
By the blood of Jesus Christ.