Sometimes people get to be the Nehemiah’s of their day. These beautiful saints stand before a broken down wall, devastated and in ruins, and are given the task of building it back up again. Like Nehemiah, they weep and mourn over the destruction, fasting and praying to the God of heaven.
These people focus and labor at the task at hand- and eventually, (perhaps after long years of toil and struggle), stand before a finished wall and rejoice. Their purpose complete. The wall has been built! After days, months, maybe years of working, they get the joy of seeing their job completed.
I always wanted to be the Nehemiah’s.
And sometimes people get to be the Moses’. These saints get to see a broken down wall as well. Their walls are devastated and in ruins similar to Nehemiah’s, and they are given the same task of building it back up again. They too weep and mourn over the destruction, fasting and praying to the God of Heaven. But even as they focus and labor at the task at hand, after days, months, years of labor- they never get to see the wall rebuilt.
I really, really don’t want to be a Moses.
To be honest, I have always really struggled with the story of Moses. I have wrestled the most with the ending of his life as the Lord takes him up on Mount Nebo in Deuteronomy 34, and tells him he can look at the Promised Land, but he will not be allowed to enter it. His eyes can see a small glimpse of the fulfillment of the journey, but he will not taste it. He will not dwell there. His feet will not touch that soil. After years of laboring with a stubborn, rebellious group of complainers (a ministry I doubt few of us desire to sign up for any time soon) in a wilderness, his final steps take him to see just a glimpse of all he has fought so hard for- but not to taste it. Not to see all of the fruit.
I read the stories of missionaries who have labored 40+ years in countries who have seen very little fruit.
I hear personally the stories from my brother overseas who has worked many years and still has very little fruit to be shown for his efforts.
And yet I read the stories of pastors whose churches are blowing up and expanded as thousands are being saved.
I won’t pretend I understand for a second how the Lord determines where fruit will bear and where it will be slow. I won’t pretend I get why some people labor for so long and are not allowed to see any of the results in this life, while others are seemingly blown away as they observe all the Lord is doing. The purpose of this very messy blog isn’t even to attempt to understand how the Lord works in His sovereignty.
As I look ahead to the upcoming week- my last week here in Eureka and prepare to say goodbyes to a lot of people I love very dearly, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on my years in this town. I’ve been thinking of the many people the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity of doing life with. As I’ve already started to say some very messy and hard goodbyes this past week, I’ve been getting a new glimpse into who the Lord is.
I was reminded by a friend today, “He isn’t a God who transitions. We might be transitioning, things might be changing, but God hasn’t changed. He isn’t leaving or moving. He stays the same.”
There’s some goodbyes where I feel like Nehemiah. Standing before a completed wall saying “Yes, this is done! I did everything I possibly know how and believe the Lord has totally finished rebuilding the wall here.” Goodbye’s I can leave in a lot of peace that the work has been done and the walls have been built. Where it is “easy” to raise my hands and say “God you are good!”
And there are some goodbyes I feel like Moses. Standing before a wall still in ruins and devastated, my hands yet very messy from trying to hurriedly put stones in places as He is bidding me to leave and pleading with Jesus “please finish the wall before I leave! Please let the work get done!”
And some days, he has to take my dirty, muddy hands stained with so much sin…he takes all of my very messy longings to see the work done…and gently, but firmly speaks into my life “Emily, this is MY WORK. I will finish what I started. I can finish the wall if I decide that will be the best thing. But it’s time for you to put down your shovel and go.”
I really, really want to see Jesus finish some things in these last 7 days before I leave. There’s still a lot of people on my wall I’ve been praying for over the years that He still hasn’t saved yet, and I’d love to see Him save them in the next 7 days. Many homes I’ve been pleading with Him to claim and redeem and rescue. I’d love to get some phone calls this week where someone says “Hey Emily, I’m returning to the Lord.” And oh- how I long, and plead, and desire to see the walls built in this town.
But then I heard someone say today “What if it’s not about the walls getting built?”
What if the main purpose, isn’t that the walls get completed, the “work done?”
What if the main goal in all of this- in the Nehemiah’s and the Moses’ was that God get the maximum glory regardless of what the “finished product” looked like?
What if the point of it all, was that God’s name was proclaimed, His reputation made known, His renown spread throughout all of Eureka?
I believe sometimes the Lord lets people get to see the walls rebuilt. And I think sometimes He calls us on before they do. And maybe I don’t get to decide which finished product I get to see- I just have to trust that God is good, regardless of the outcome.
Nehemiah writes “Our God will fight for us.”
Yes, my Jesus fights for me. He is constantly pursuing and fighting for my heart, bringing me to a deeper place of understanding His grace, His mercy, His ferocious love, His tender arms, the beauty of His truth. And while this chapter in Eureka may be coming to a close, He gently hands me a shovel and says “Glorify me daughter, in Chicago.”
A very, very wise mentor reminds me every week “God is up to two things. Your good and His glory. He never does one at the expense of the other.”
He is still good. And He will still be good no matter what the walls look like when I leave soon.
Regardless of the outcome of our work for the King, may our hearts be drawn to pursue and fight for His glory.
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Lamentations 3:25-26
