Isaiah 30

"A world of nice people, content in their own niceness, looking no further, turned away from God, would be just as desperately in need of salvation as a miserable world---and might be even more difficult to save." CS Lewis


God, the Master, The Holy of Israel,
has this solemn counsel:
"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me
and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.
Your strength will come from settling down
in complete dependence on me—
The very thing you've been unwilling to do. (Isaiah 30)-Message

I have found myself clinging to things as my own, far more than I would have ever said I did- and until I have found them taken, did not realize what a hold they had on my life.
• I didn’t realize how much I cared about: consistent internet whenever I needed it, air conditioning, hot water, dish washers, rooms free of bugs, a car, etc.
• I didn’t realize how much I needed my church family and contact with believers on a daily basis
• I didn’t realize what it felt like to be a majority in appearance, in language, in culture- until I now feel what it is like to be a minority in all of the above
• I didn’t realize how easy it is to fall back onto many of these things, even “good things” in themselves, until I have had most of them taken and have come to see how often my dependence is not really on the Lord

It’s a hard realization to come to the place of Isaiah 30 and to hear:
“your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves…Your strength will come from rest and dependence on me- the very thing you’ve been unwilling to do.”

I have found I very often do not think I need God. That somehow I can control my nice world around me- and do life, and even ministry, and many “good things”, but completely miss the point of complete dependence on Him.

“Am I a God at hand,” declares the Lord, “and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? Do I not fill heaven and earth?”
- Jeremiah 23:23-24

Last night I was listening to a sermon about John the Baptist waiting in prison for Jesus. And how the message Jesus sent back left out one line of Isaiah- that prisoners will be set free and men in dungeons will be set loose. And here one of the greatest men who ever lived- still had doubts. And his story didn’t end with being set free from a prison, and getting his life all back together. It ended with his head being cut off. But he was still faithful.

“I think John the Baptist believed pretty well, believed enough to be homeless. I think Peter, Paul, the men in the Bible, they believed a little bit better than our petty faith, and yet they all die pretty badly. Joy in God will always be mixed with sorrow here. Here’s why, because that’s how love works. Let me try to explain it like this. We who believe in Him will always have in our hearts a mixture of the tragedies of this earth, which tie us
compassionately to this earth, and the treasure of heaven, which always keeps us looking to the future. And those are both there, always. It’s how love works.” Matt Chandler

I’m not there yet. I’m so far from any of this. Still trying to maintain my dependence on myself, still questioning why God isn’t the God I think He should be, still struggling with doubts and unbelief as to why some things in life have turned out the way they have. And I have found it easy to beat myself up with a guilt trip about all my blessings, but that never seems to accomplish much. Only more defeat, more doubts, more despair.
Sometimes my walk with the Lord- feels like my language abilities here in Mexico. I can’t understand a word of what was just said. And I want to so bad- I want to understand, but I can’t. And then I get frustrated, and discouraged, and sometimes I quit trying. And it’s easier to space out and be complacent than constantly listening, searching for the answers, waiting to hear a few more words to be said so I can better understand.

I very much miss the group of believers I left back home. The daily fellowship. Being built up and encouraged.


But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones. (Message)Isaiah 30

I so often wish it didn’t take so much for God to have to break us and teach us hard lessons. I wish it didn’t take so many days and weeks, years and months of struggles. I have found it’s so easy to say “Yes Lord, send me!” and then the Lord says “Alright, well first let’s deal with the heart….”
Of all the “discomforts” which are so minor- those frustrations and hard things, are nothing compared to what it feels like when the Lord wants to deal with our hearts- to really strip things from our hands and give us nothing but Himself....
When we have "nothing" but Him- oh how it shows so much about the real condition of my heart and what I really cling to. Waiting on the Lord- such a daily living sacrifice- something that so often wants to sprout legs and crawl off, and again and again and again... having to constantly be putting it back on the altar before the Lord.


For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. 21And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. 22Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images.You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, "Be gone!" (Isaiah 30)