Silence

Romans 7:24: “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

There’s something in me that’s haunted by silence. Being influenced by a culture that is so anti-silence probably plays a large role, but honestly I think it’s more than that. I don’t know about you, but crazy things can happen when it gets really quiet.

Take Ezekiel for instance. You find him sitting in silence and worship when the word of the Lord appears to him and says “Hey, go preach to this rebellious people group. They won’t listen to you, and you’re going to have to do some really crazy things to get their attention. By the way, you’re going to lose the person you love the most (your wife) in this process and the people still won’t listen to you. But I want you to take this message to them.” (major paraphrase of the book of Ezekiel.)

Jeremiah is just as bad, if not worse. The Word of the Lord comes to him and he gets a similar message. “Hey go preach to this really rebellious house of people. They are going to hate you, they will beat you and throw you into prison again and again, and you are going to watch the people you love be carried off into exile. All for My Name.”

Over and over are stories of people going on with their lives when the Word of the Lord comes to them (or for the disciples literally shows up in front of them as Jesus comes to earth), and tells them they’re going to have to do some really strange, hard things. I just haven’t read an account in the Scriptures yet, where anyone got a message and their response was, “Wow Lord, that’s the same plan I had come up with for my life! Glad we’re on the same program here!” So maybe there’s part of us that is afraid that if we honestly quieted our hearts before Him, He would tell us to do something insanely crazy. Something so far out of our normal box of comfort. And maybe He would.

But I think it’s something deeper than that.

I think it’s something Jeremiah figured out. I think Ezekiel got it. I think Peter understood it at the end of his life. I’m convinced John the Baptist, Moses, David, Isaiah, and Paul knew it well and knew it deeply.

Jeremiah writes in 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it?”

Call me crazy, but when silence comes, so do the voices. The deepest parts of our hearts start to cry out. If you sit in silence for about 30 seconds the voices are quiet, small, and barely audible as they start their cries. When we hear them, most of us start running immediately. Turning on music, looking at our calendars, checking the computer, our phones, even thinking about “what I need to do for ministry today.” Anything to stop the voices that have begun in the darkest places of our inner being.

If you sit there for 2 minutes, for 5, they grow louder. More desperate. More haunting. By 10 minutes (for the few who have not yet run from them), you can clearly hear their message.

It’s in the silence when the voices inside each of us begin screaming of the disease that is eating us alive. They cry out in pain, begging us to quit numbing them with our business and the things of life.

They scream in agony for healing. They begin exposing all of our deepest, darkest sins. The lies come pouring out. The rationalizations. The indifference and complacency. The hate, the lack of love and compassion. The hypocrisy and people pleasing. The pretending and false charades. The love of the things of this world. “Oh to silence them!” we begin to cry out. We beg them to stop. We plead with them to go back in their corners and quit speaking. Sometimes we beat them. Sometimes we quickly run to whatever will most quickly numb, most quickly forget. We desperately stuff them back into their boxes and vow it will be a long, long time before we ever have a weak moment and let the lid off of that Pandora’s box again. We wish them gone so badly.

And then the most haunting voice of all- the one we cannot quiet or stuff back or numb away, quietly echoes. Over and over and over.
“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give ever man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

“Nooooooo…..anything but that!”

“No, Jesus don’t come look into my Pandora box.”

“No Lord, how about you come back tomorrow when I’ve memorized my verses and have done my Bible study and have prayed over my list. How about we do the check up then?”

“How about after you have gone and talked to ___? You can check mine after you look at theirs.”

In the silence. When the hidden places of our sick hearts are opened, a myriad of excuses can start to pour out. Terrified of the perfect, righteous, Holy God coming in and looking at my junk, my mess, my doubts, my unbelief, my fear…everything “hidden”, is enough to cause me to fall and tremble and beg Him to come back another day.

See there’s this part of me that wants Him to let me numb it. That wants Him to walk away. That wants Him to not make me deal with it. Part of me that doesn’t want to get or understand His holiness. Because in this silly, limited view of time I have, it looks easier that way.

Oh wretched man that I am….PRAISE JESUS FOR THE GOSPEL.

“God came.” (Habakkuk 3:3)

Everything changed as the God of the Universe came down in the form of human flesh. Everything changed during those 3 hours He hung on the Cross. Everything changed as He beat and conquered death and put to shame the principalities and demons of this world. Everything changed as the vail was torn, everything changed as He sent His Holy Spirit and promised He would complete the work He started. Everything changed as this God reconciled all things to Himself.

Before the foundations of the world were laid, this same God looked through eons of time and said “Emily Gerber. I’m going to choose her, and love her, and free her, and save her, and heal her. She’s Mine. I love her.”

I won’t pretend I get that. I don’t at all. I don’t think I’m ever going to fully get that until I enter His glory in eternity.

Because God came- a way was made for people like me. People dying to the voices inside of them and feeling conquered by sin. A way to the Cross was made to that we might be free and be made new. A way was made so that Pandora ’s Box could be opened- and Someone was big enough, powerful enough, righteous enough, and good enough to Conquer and pay for all of that.

I think that’s what Jeremiah came to know and understand…What Ezekiel, John, Paul, David, and countless others knew- how desperately wicked they were in the deepest places of the heart, of the greatness and the holiness of an Almighty God- and how incredibly big the gospel was.

And with all they had- they threw their arms around the work of Jesus Christ and embraced that with everything they had in them.

They understood they couldn’t be good enough.

They understood they couldn’t fix it.

They understood they couldn’t earn in.

They understood nothing they did could numb it.

They KNEW and embraced with all of their lives the impact behind the words “God came.”

Perhaps what I’m most afraid of in the silence- is the pursuit of God Himself after my heart.

That God sees all my junk and loves me anyway and has committed Himself to me.

That God is way more concerned with eternity than my lousy five minute plan.

Oh, but if you listen long enough, you’ll hear Him. You have to be quiet, or you might just miss it. You have to be willing to stay awhile or you’ll bypass the best part.

“Repent. Turn to me. Confess your sin and let me heal you! Come to the Cross! Lay down all your junk at my feet! I PAID FOR IT ALL. IN FULL.”

God came. And everything changed. For me. For you.